The Politics of Cake

When you make cakes that look like Tony Montana-sized piles of coke or vaginas wearing pearl necklaces, you need to accept that these things are not for the masses, and as such, you will probably be picked LAST when it comes to any type of event/activity (insert bad flashbacks of sports teams at school)…

So we were totally amazed when we got a call in the shop, asking the brand to participate in one of the nation’s big cake shows, The Cake and Bake Show, at London’s Excel centre (these types of shows typically cater to that GBBO fan that likes nothing more than a frilly pink gingham apron and a fucking Disney’s Frozen cake!!!).

Despite the lastminute.com 10 day turnaround, we created some incredible pieces that touched on our infamous erotic and narcotic based cakes, but strangely, two days into the show, we weren’t receiving much in terms of social media coverage.

Trolling the web for answers, we found some random images online that depicted our display table all messed up, the table cloth we had neatly taped into a smooth gold finish now crumpled like someone had slept on it, and with one of our pieces missing- WTF was going on???!!

We contacted the show’s organising committee only to be informed via a two line email, that our piece had been removed from the outset, as it was deemed ‘unsuitable’ for the event.

As the owner of Cake me Baby, and the person who pulled a few 20hr days to generate these display pieces in time, I wanted answers. Picking up the phone, I was slowly passed up the food chain until I reached the pinnacle, Rob ??? of 10Media, Show Director, and according to him, ‘one of the most liberal people you will ever meet.’

I will spare you from what can only be described as a pointless conversation, whereby Mr. Show Director Extraordinaire talked in contradicting circles about how he ‘did not have a problem with the piece personally’ but ‘was a parent, and wouldn’t want to expose his children to this type of vulgarity’ but recognised the cake as ‘a work of art’. I had one, deciding question: will you, or will you not display the cake??? Computer says NO…

Red. Mist. Decends. We close up the shop and hop in a taxi, making it to the other side of London in 40mins flat. Priority no1- tear down the display so no one else can see the disgace they have created under our name. Priority no2- tear someone a new one.

All 5’3” of my onesie-clad self storm into organisers office, demanding to see Rob. Who is conveniently not there. Nor is anyone of any other description, other than some useless girls who are desperately trying not to make eye contact with me, and their ‘manager’ who keeps nodding at me like a greying bobble-head, claiming there’s ‘nothing I can do.’

I had failed to see the three security guards that had followed me in there… Cue ‘Jonny Big Balls’ in his high-vis vest who steps in to save these poor ladies from me. I clearly don’t back down. Now the head of security has to step in, as it’s about to kick off, and a female officer needs to be called because legally, these boys can’t touch me. End result??? Me, my team and our cakes getting escorted out by security.

You seriously can’t make this shit up. It is so fucking wrong and violating, it touches on discrimination. By viewing an entire industry through one, narrow-minded segmentation, they refuse to acknowledge that PEOPLE LIKE ME EXIST. Not everyone wants a ‘cute’ cake. Which is how I have a brand, and a business, and clients. People want cakes that look like penises with jazz hands or gigantic piles of coke, that read ‘good fucking riddance’ or represent a female silhouette that has ‘junk in the trunk’, and they want to be able to go somewhere where they won’t be judged/ reproached/ turned away for asking.



The Cake and Bake Show failed spectacularly at four separate stages of this ordeal. One, by not vetting the brand… Like not at all, like not even going on the website, once… Two, by not reading the brand profile they requested, where it clearly states we ‘unashamedly do erotic and narcotic based cakes’… Three, by thanking me to my face for our display, then removing it after I left without ever trying to speak to me about it. Disgraceful. Cowardly. Pussy-ass Bitches… And lastly, for believing that this was their right, to invite us to participate then turn around and treat us as they did. Unapologetically. Without accepting a single shred of responsibility.

Because the question is ultimately, who gets to draw the line where??? Would you be OK with some stranger manhandling your one-off piece because they didn’t agree with it??? Can anyone just decide something is ‘offensive’ and then have it removed???

If I’m going to judge you, it’s because you’re an asshole, and you do some really horrible things. Not because you like a different style of cake. But I guess haters are gonna hate.