Recipes

How to BBQ with Napalm

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Napalm is a flammable liquid that has, until now, mostly been used for warfare in incendiary weapons and flamethrowers with disgusting results. At its simplest, it’s a gelling agent mixed with petroleum.

It can be used for good instead of evil and what is a BBQ if not good? It should be noted that internet searches on the topic of ‘how to make homemade napalm’ will probably ensure you’re flagged by the anti-terrorist department at MI5.

Crack a beer and pack the jar full of Styrofoam. Pour in the gasoline and stir with a stick – it should turn into a jelly like substance after a few minutes. By this time you should need another beer.

Pour the napalm onto your BBQ where you would normally add charcoal. Light the napalm and stand well back. Fetch another beer and the steak. Put the oven tray on the BBQ to use as a hotplate and add a little oil.

Season the steak and fry until cooked to your liking. Remove from heat and allow to cool. I would like to tell you how to extinguish the napalm but when we tried this at home recently nothing worked, not water, not sand, not smothering the fire with a blanket, so I can’t offer any advice here other than to let it burn out naturally. Eat the steak and continue with the beer consumption.

*Health warning: burning napalm emits high levels of carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide which we are told are bad for you and probably not fit for human consumption.

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